Friends.
If you had asked me about my own a few months ago I probably would have laughed straight in your face and given a (very sassy) reply along the lines of, "Friends? I don't have any!" or "Who needs friends? All of mine suck." (my poor Mom heard those responses on a daily basis for about a solid month this winter). I guess I never quite realized just how much of an impact spending even a few hours with good friends could have on my life.
Today B asked me to come to his house to help him finish painting some campaign posters for the SBO primary election this coming Tuesday. Being my normal, pessimistic self, I really had no desire to go to his house and be social with others. I thought that helping him would most likely "waste" my entire "precious" spring break Friday (yesterday I sat at home and watched Glee re-runs on my computer, alone....all day....in my pajamas....wait a second....well....this is awkward....).
Out of guilt I forced myself to make an appearance for at least an hour (I had remembered that I promised him on Monday that I would go over with a group of friends...it also didn't help that he called me three times in an hour making sure I would come) and then leave as soon as my "time was served" at his house (my eating had been decent up to that point of the day, but my cravings were creeping up and I thought that I could use a trip to Ben's as an excuse to avoid any unnecessary eating).
I walked into his house to find his living room stripped down to nothing (all of the furniture ended up pushed against the wall and somehow one of his couches ended up in his kitchen) and a huge butcher paper poster at least 8 feet x 10 feet sprawled across the floor along with seemingly toothpick sized paintbrushes to use. Later on, after I got home around 10:00pm, B called me to ask me on a double date and to thank me for helping him out with the poster. He also told me that when he saw my face after walking into his living room he could tell that I was thinking, "What have I gotten myself into?! This thing is going to take forever!" (that kid must be a psychic...I literally almost turned around and walked right back out the front door). It actually wasn't that bad once we started painting. E, and B's neighbor, Andrew, were there to "help" too (they spent the whole time coming up with a list of twenty things that were made in China for a second poster idea...included was Ben's conception...) so the work wasn't really work at all (except for me and Ben). I honestly don't think I've laughed that hard in a really long time. I felt welcomed and wanted for who I was; I felt comfortable with myself for the first time in months, despite the fact that I could constantly feel my thighs smacking together as I moved around the poster.
Minutes turned into several hours. I couldn't believe it, but I had lasted five whole hours without obsessing over food or being "hungry". I did give in and have some chips that were set out for us, but, I controlled myself by only having a handful. I consumed myself with work and friendly banter instead of calories and carbs. I felt like I wason top of the world, scratch that, on top of my world.
We ended up running to China Wok for dinner (trust me, the name might sound like your typical, tacky Americanized Chinese food dive, but the food was incredible) and I ate until I was actually full, imagine that! It was almost like being in the Twilight Zone, it was mind blowing! We headed back to Ben's to watch a movie from Redbox and try to finish up as much work as we could before we called it a night.
Looking back, I can't imagine how my day would have gone had I chosen not to go be with my friends. After today, I know it wasn't a coincidence that my binge eating took off when it did. I was at my lowest, with no friends to distract me from my depression or to save me from it. Instead, they seemed to be causing it, in my twisted, hormone driven point of view.
I've learned that friends really can make or break you.
However, in my case tonight, they helped piece me back together.
If you had asked me about my own a few months ago I probably would have laughed straight in your face and given a (very sassy) reply along the lines of, "Friends? I don't have any!" or "Who needs friends? All of mine suck." (my poor Mom heard those responses on a daily basis for about a solid month this winter). I guess I never quite realized just how much of an impact spending even a few hours with good friends could have on my life.
Today B asked me to come to his house to help him finish painting some campaign posters for the SBO primary election this coming Tuesday. Being my normal, pessimistic self, I really had no desire to go to his house and be social with others. I thought that helping him would most likely "waste" my entire "precious" spring break Friday (yesterday I sat at home and watched Glee re-runs on my computer, alone....all day....in my pajamas....wait a second....well....this is awkward....).
Out of guilt I forced myself to make an appearance for at least an hour (I had remembered that I promised him on Monday that I would go over with a group of friends...it also didn't help that he called me three times in an hour making sure I would come) and then leave as soon as my "time was served" at his house (my eating had been decent up to that point of the day, but my cravings were creeping up and I thought that I could use a trip to Ben's as an excuse to avoid any unnecessary eating).
I walked into his house to find his living room stripped down to nothing (all of the furniture ended up pushed against the wall and somehow one of his couches ended up in his kitchen) and a huge butcher paper poster at least 8 feet x 10 feet sprawled across the floor along with seemingly toothpick sized paintbrushes to use. Later on, after I got home around 10:00pm, B called me to ask me on a double date and to thank me for helping him out with the poster. He also told me that when he saw my face after walking into his living room he could tell that I was thinking, "What have I gotten myself into?! This thing is going to take forever!" (that kid must be a psychic...I literally almost turned around and walked right back out the front door). It actually wasn't that bad once we started painting. E, and B's neighbor, Andrew, were there to "help" too (they spent the whole time coming up with a list of twenty things that were made in China for a second poster idea...included was Ben's conception...) so the work wasn't really work at all (except for me and Ben). I honestly don't think I've laughed that hard in a really long time. I felt welcomed and wanted for who I was; I felt comfortable with myself for the first time in months, despite the fact that I could constantly feel my thighs smacking together as I moved around the poster.
Minutes turned into several hours. I couldn't believe it, but I had lasted five whole hours without obsessing over food or being "hungry". I did give in and have some chips that were set out for us, but, I controlled myself by only having a handful. I consumed myself with work and friendly banter instead of calories and carbs. I felt like I was
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| "Ben Law Ride Dragon" We wanted to put an asterisk at the bottomnext to a sentence that said: "Sorry if you can't read through my accent" |
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| This was as far as we could make ourselves go, I know it sounds pathetic, but trust me, this was quite the project...that background took for-ev-er, it felt like a neverending blue nightmare. No joke. |
We ended up running to China Wok for dinner (trust me, the name might sound like your typical, tacky Americanized Chinese food dive, but the food was incredible) and I ate until I was actually full, imagine that! It was almost like being in the Twilight Zone, it was mind blowing! We headed back to Ben's to watch a movie from Redbox and try to finish up as much work as we could before we called it a night.
Looking back, I can't imagine how my day would have gone had I chosen not to go be with my friends. After today, I know it wasn't a coincidence that my binge eating took off when it did. I was at my lowest, with no friends to distract me from my depression or to save me from it. Instead, they seemed to be causing it, in my twisted, hormone driven point of view.
I've learned that friends really can make or break you.
However, in my case tonight, they helped piece me back together.
I love this! Glad you are back out having fun!!
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