"Light Switch" Ludlow

My family has lived in our home for about 21 years, so it's no surprise that it's slowly falling apart and having technical issues.

In our smallest bathroom upstairs, the light switch never quite turns off anymore. If you push down quickly or with force,  the light will blink off and them burst back on again.
However, if you gently ease it down, the light dims and eventually shuts off as it should.

Call me crazy, but I feel like I'm exactly like that faulty light switch.

For months I tried to end my binge eating by abruptly stopping and making plans to go back on the same diet I started on a year earlier. Each time I did so, I hoped for immediate results and when they didn't come or I gave in to temptation easily, I snapped right back into my old habits with more force than before. I couldn't simply "turn off" my cravings like I was able to at one time in my life.

The broken light switch

Luckily I've learned my lesson and now I'm trying to take things a little slower.

I had to realize that I'm not who I once was. I'm broken and I don't function like I used to.
I've accepted that I'll probably binge occasionally for the rest of my life.
It's my responsibility to keep pushing myself and fail as many times as it takes until I can finally be in control again.

(I actually had one today which caused my blood sugar to reach 450 and stay there for few hours making it so I didn't feel up to hanging out with my friends tonight.)

I've resigned myself to taking this process slowly, pushing myself just enough for change to gradually happen. I can't keep forcing my "light switch" down hoping the light will turn off; even though I know I'm going about doing it the wrong way. Eventually, the switch will break leaving my "light" on forever.

And I can't afford to let that happen.

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