I binged today.
And yesterday.
And the day before.
Now let me say that they have progressively gotten smaller, but they do still happen. Today's binge wasn't small at all, it was almost like I went back to a few months ago. It was miserable. I almost missed hanging out with my friends because I woke up from a nap and started to binge. I had two bags of cookies, two glasses of milk, an ice cream sandwich, I finished a carton of creamsicle ice cream, four graham crackers, mini wheats, pretzels and more. My stomach killed after and I tried to purge. It didn't work and luckily I just wasn't desperate enough to keep trying today.
I left to go to my friends house to meet up with them so we could head over to the high school for a musical theatre show. When we got to the performance, I couldn't help but look at all of the different body types there. I found myself hating strangers and loathing everyone there for probably never knowing what it felt like to not have control of their bodies. I was jealous of those smaller than me and had flashbacks remembering what I once looked like. I don't blame anyone but myself for what I've become. That's probably why I get so frustrated, I was the one that wasted all of my hard work. I am my worst enemy.
And yesterday.
And the day before.
Now let me say that they have progressively gotten smaller, but they do still happen. Today's binge wasn't small at all, it was almost like I went back to a few months ago. It was miserable. I almost missed hanging out with my friends because I woke up from a nap and started to binge. I had two bags of cookies, two glasses of milk, an ice cream sandwich, I finished a carton of creamsicle ice cream, four graham crackers, mini wheats, pretzels and more. My stomach killed after and I tried to purge. It didn't work and luckily I just wasn't desperate enough to keep trying today.
I left to go to my friends house to meet up with them so we could head over to the high school for a musical theatre show. When we got to the performance, I couldn't help but look at all of the different body types there. I found myself hating strangers and loathing everyone there for probably never knowing what it felt like to not have control of their bodies. I was jealous of those smaller than me and had flashbacks remembering what I once looked like. I don't blame anyone but myself for what I've become. That's probably why I get so frustrated, I was the one that wasted all of my hard work. I am my worst enemy.
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