I know I must sound stupid, but I applied for a job to be a life-guard this summer. I didn't realize just how insecure I was in a swimming suit until after I had gone through the interview process and it struck me that I would be in one all summer. That's not to mention the certification classes and training sessions too.

Because you have to be tested on your swimming ability before you take the class, my friend and I are going swimming today to practice for our pre-test today in a few minutes. Honestly, I do not want to go. I look like a beached whale. Last year when my family went to Hawaii on vacation, I had just lost the weight and I looked like I actually belonged on a beach. No so much now.

I seriously look terrible. My face has gotten chubbier, my rear literally is about to explode from the bottoms and I look like I belong on "16 and Pregnant" as far as my stomach is concerned.

I can't wait to lose weight again.

Today at school I gave a "mini-lesson" on descriptive writing. As a treat for my class I brought a box of cookies from the grocery store. As fate would have it, I had a ton of extras. I was literally fighting myself the entire class period to make sure I wouldn't embarrass myself in front of everyone by eating the rest of the cookies. In the end, I ended up eating at least two cookies, plus lunch. Not a very good day. This whole thing is getting ridiculous. I know I've said this a million times before, but binge eating is similar to a drug addiction. It goes along with the pleasure cycle. I can't even get away from it necessarily.

This is seriously a terrible picture, but I think it proves my point.
(I was the one in black)

I just hope this summer I can keep myself covered at the pool.
For everyone's well-being.

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