New Year

Happy New Year! I can't believe that it's already 2015! When my siblings and I were watching the countdown in Times Square, my brother made the comment that we're now the same distance away from 2030 as we are from 2000....which is a pretty crazy thought! We may have not gotten the hoverboards, self-lacing shoes, and expandable food promised in "Back to the Future II", but hey, I'll keep my fingers crossed for 2030.

The end of 2014 marked the beginning of my third year free from bingeing, strict dieting, and my habits associated with what was left of my eating disorders. I can eat food without feeling guilty, and I finally know how to properly feed myself--which feels amazing! I still find myself fighting off my own self-depreciating thoughts, low self-esteem, and negativity towards my body, but I'm proud of the ground I've gained. I've won this battle, and now I'm waiting for my enemy to retreat.

One thing I love about the new year is the period of obligatory self-reflection and goal-making that follows. Although we usually tend to forget or give up on these goals shortly after making them, I think there's a lot of value in having even a small desire to improve oneself.

My goal for this year? Make goals that are worth keeping.


"If I lose weight, or gain weight, I'll like myself more."
"If I can become this size, everything will be okay."
"If by changing my body, I can make someone else love me, I'll be able to love myself."
"I just need to lose five pounds, or I just need to be a size ____."

I've learned that these aren't goals,
They're poison.

Instead, I'm aiming to make 2015 the year that I:
-Loved myself unconditionally, with no strings attached.
-Always said yes to dessert.
-Told myself how cute I looked each time I walked past a mirror, rather than seeing my flaws.
-Became comfortable in my skin, no matter what size or condition it was in.
-Ignored what society said I should be, or how I should look.
-Became a person I am proud of.

This year, I'm planning on loving my body first, and moving on from there.

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