"It started that young?"
Yes.
I remember a time in early elementary school when I would stand on the toilet, and look at myself in the bathroom mirror. I would critique my appearance by saying things like, "Too bad you have such an ugly head on a decent body."
I resigned myself to never being beautiful.
Growing up, all I ever wanted was to be like my sisters, television stars and peers.
I always tried to be just like them, but I deceived myself.
Middle school brought more insecurities which I then buried beneath layers of discolored foundation and globbed mascara.
In eighth grade, I was a dress size bigger than both of my sisters, my shoe size then followed suit.
In ninth grade I cried in dressing rooms at the mall.
During my Sophomore year, I hated myself enough to "change" and eliminate all insecurity from my life.
And by change, I mean starve myself.
And by eliminate, I meant hide.
The glass house I constructed around myself shattered during the winter of my Junior year.
Suppressed insecurities rushed over me with the force of a tsunami.
I was drowning. Again.
I think that all girls are born with insecurities, it is intrinsic to our nature.
For some they wax and wane, but for many the insecurities never change.
I have yet to meet a girl who is completely comfortable in her own skin.
Although my eating disorder didn't begin until high school, the disease had been incubating in my mind since childhood.
The world is literally experiencing an ignored epidemic, but instead of defeating it, society has chosen to nurture it.
And people like me are just side-effects of an unethical experiment.
Yes.
I remember a time in early elementary school when I would stand on the toilet, and look at myself in the bathroom mirror. I would critique my appearance by saying things like, "Too bad you have such an ugly head on a decent body."
I resigned myself to never being beautiful.
Growing up, all I ever wanted was to be like my sisters, television stars and peers.
I always tried to be just like them, but I deceived myself.
Middle school brought more insecurities which I then buried beneath layers of discolored foundation and globbed mascara.
In eighth grade, I was a dress size bigger than both of my sisters, my shoe size then followed suit.
In ninth grade I cried in dressing rooms at the mall.
During my Sophomore year, I hated myself enough to "change" and eliminate all insecurity from my life.
And by change, I mean starve myself.
And by eliminate, I meant hide.
The glass house I constructed around myself shattered during the winter of my Junior year.
Suppressed insecurities rushed over me with the force of a tsunami.
I was drowning. Again.
I think that all girls are born with insecurities, it is intrinsic to our nature.
For some they wax and wane, but for many the insecurities never change.
I have yet to meet a girl who is completely comfortable in her own skin.
Although my eating disorder didn't begin until high school, the disease had been incubating in my mind since childhood.
The world is literally experiencing an ignored epidemic, but instead of defeating it, society has chosen to nurture it.
And people like me are just side-effects of an unethical experiment.
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