Happy Holidays!

With the holiday season finally over, I definitely feel proud of myself.  My A1c is down from 9.0 to 8.4, and I haven't binged in months.

For the past four years, I've either avoided Thanksgiving dinner or overindulged in everything placed before me; this year was different. I didn't count calories and I didn't stuff my face,  I just ate. Maybe that doesn't sound like much, but for me it was surreal, miraculous. The entire night I was waiting the floodgates to open and drown me in my eating disorder once again.

After going shopping, I went home expecting myself to at least have the desire to binge on leftover pie or stuffing, but nothing happened. I ate a piece of pie and that was it.

When I went to my doctor appointment a week later, I told  Dr. Spigorelli about what happened and he was actually just as shocked as I was. He said that he expected me to have a normal holiday dinner in maybe two years from the time he first saw me, not 8 months.

Christmas went fairly well too. I had a couple more cookies than I planned on at our family nativity party and I indulged in some treats that my parent's neighbors brought by; however, I could stop myself whenever I wanted to. I was in the front-seat, not my eating disorder. I ate those things due to my own free will, not infectious impulses.

I was able to wear size large pajamas that my Great Aunt gave me without my self-esteem taking a nose dive. I also didn't care about unflattering instances captured by cameras.

My body is attached to my soul, but it doesn't determine my spirit.

Through the tears shed and trials endured, I've come to respect who I am as an individual.
I've decided that self-control and self-esteem are gifts best given to one's self.

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