Tahlequah

Some days

I feel like

That mama 

Orca 

Whose baby

Died.

For 17 days

She carried its

Lifeless 

Body on her 

Snout. 

Scientists

Called it a

“Tour of

Grief.”

A mother

Struggling to

Let

Go. 

Beautiful

Little one,

You

Are the most 

Beautiful thing

I have ever 

Seen.

I guess

That must mean

 I’m

Beautiful

Too. 

Mothers and Daughters

Just as I 

existed 

In my mother’s,

Grandmother’s,

And great-grandmother’s 

Wombs,

You have been

With me,

And I

With you,

Since before

Either of us

Were 

Born.

Not only have we

Always 

Been

together,

But now,

In carrying

You,

I carry my 

Grandchildren

And great-grandchildren 

Too. 

Zoey

You move

In my belly

With 

Energy

And 

Strength.

(More than 

Your brothers

Ever

Did.)

You ease my

Worries with 

Your constant

Motion,

And,

There has never been

A doubt 

That you are

There. 

I constantly 

feel you

Kick, 

Twist,

Punch,

Snuggle,

And stretch

Just beneath

my

Skin.

Your restless spirit,

Your active mind,

You seem to be

Life

Itself.

Ever moving

Ever growing

Ever changing. 

My

Zoey.

Gender Reveal

When I saw 

the test

Results,

Before I

Laughed,

Cried,

Or 

Threw my

Phone,

There was 

A quiet,

Split-second

Moment

Where my

Heart 

Whispered:

“Finally,

You’re here.

My precious

Little 

Girl.” 

Baby Sister

Little one,

Do you 

Know 

How much

Joy

You’ve already

Brought

Into

Our 

Home?

My Babies

Owen was my

First baby,

My angel

Boy 

Gone too

Soon.

Luke was my 

Rainbow baby,

The color

And hope 

After 

the storm.

Zoey,

You are my

Golden baby,

The treasure

At the end

Of the 

Rainbow

Proof that 

Our good

Luck

Hasn’t run

Out. 

Three

When I tell people

I’m pregnant again,

But this time,

With a baby girl,

Most say,

“That’s perfect! Now you have 

One of each!”

That isn’t the truth

Though. 

Owen

Plus

Luke

Plus 

Baby girl 

Equals

Three. 

 

Fawn

I saw a 
dead
baby deer 
on the road
today. 

And 
with tears in my eyes,
wondered,

if his mama
missed him
like I miss

you. 

Names

Ever since

I found

out 

I was

pregnant 

again,

I've been

trying to find

the perfect 

name 

that represents

all

that you

are.

You are

hope, 

gratitude, 

and

answered

prayers. 

You are

comfort, 

love, 

and 

everything

good. 

You are

a miracle, 

a godsend,

a blessing. 

 

Our lives were

so dark

until you 

came along, 

but

you 

are

a bringer of 

light.

Luke.

Lunch

There are times

where I don't 

want 

to talk about

my dead 

baby. 

Like in the faculty room

at lunch. 

You

continue 

to push

and 

ask

personal

questions, 

as I quietly

look 

down

at my 

food. 

I tell myself

you're probably 

trying to be

thoughtful

and

helpful, 

but

I don't 

understand

how you can't

see

that me

repeating the same response

three

times, 

is me, 

begging

for this conversation 

to 

end. 

Blanket

 I finally

made a

blanket for you, 

just like 

I made one 

for Owen. 

It was

one of the hardest

things 

I've had

to

do. 

I had been putting

it off

for months

because

 

I didn't 

want another 

useless

baby

blanket

and 

another

dead

baby. 

Strange

It's strange

to 

think 

that 

you'll be

my first

living

child, 

but not 

my 

first

child. 

Unlucky

I'm not

very 

lucky. 

My first baby died

because of a 

genetic 

condition,

and instead 

of 

the peaceful, 

normal

second pregnancy

I thought

I deserved,

I'm on 

bed-rest. 

Worrying

and 

trying

to keep

both

of us

alive. 

Same

You can be 

such a 

stinker, 

during mommy's

ultrasounds.

The nurses try to

catch you, 

but you always 

manage to

swim

away. 

It reminds me of 

your big brother, 

Owen. 

He liked to play

tag

the very

same

way. 

Two

 At my ultrasound 

appointments, 

nurses often ask

"Is this your

first?"

And I always say, 

"No,

I have 

two."

Second

I knew

I was 

pregnant

with my 

second 

child, 

before

I saw 

the test. 

My baby's 

big brother

hugged me

and let me know

I could

finally 

rest. 

He told me

he had 

sent 

his younger

brother

and everything

would be

okay. 

And that he would

comfort me

and protect

him 

every

step 

of the 

way. 

Arms and Legs

Who 

would have

thought, 

that I would 

sob

with

joy

when I 

saw the length

of the bones

in your

arms 

and 

legs? 

Half

Sometimes I feel

like 

half

of a

mother. 

I had half 

a pregnancy

with 

Owen, 

Then, I was given the 

harder half

of motherhood, 

and now I 

feel 

half the

 joy

during my

second pregnancy. 

But ironically, 

the fear

has 

doubled. 

Hug

I was playing

in your

nursery

with our 

new

puppy

When suddenly

I felt

invisible arms

around me. 

My eyes filled 

with tears,

my heart

wanted 

to 

burst, 

And, 

in that quiet

moment, 

I knew

it was

you.