Yesterday I talked to girls from my church young women's group about my eating disorder. I tried to emphasize just how grateful I was for this trial in my life. Of course, during the middle of this disorder I couldn't find anything to be grateful for in my life; afterall,  I hated myself, my parents, and my God. I realize now that I was able to survive this ordeal because I tried to focus on the future, rather than the present. Nothing lasts forever and a bright morning will always follow our darkest nights.

I remember during this time I said some of my strongest and most powerful prayers. Despite my anger towards God, I never wanted to turn my back on Him. I knew He was my salvation. I can remember instances when I would cry myself to sleep and feel a physical hand upon my shoulder. The warmth that came from that hand was beyond expression, I knew someone was there.

I used to go to the temples in my hometown and cry to God for help. I felt him the strongest there, and as a result, I often found myself in earnest conversations with the Lord. At times, I could feel His direct responses to my questions and worries. While I was there, I never felt alone or misunderstood. 
Although no specific instance caused me to turn from this disorder, or immediately become healed, I felt as if they were my stepping stones to recovery and resurrection of testimony.

I can testify that my prayers were answered throughout this trial. The answers, of course, came in the Lord's time not my own, but answers did come. God always gave me options and inspiration. I knew that He wanted me to heal more so than I wanted to become healed myself. 

I guess the big idea that I'm trying to share is that during our time on earth, we feel abandoned and alone at many moments throughout our lives. Sometimes our trials seem too heavy to carry and often misunderstood by those around us. I want to bear my testimony that we never walk alone and that no human has ever walked alone upon the face of this earth. 

Jesus Christ and our Father in Heaven are always walking beside us.

Christ had to walk alone during his tenure on earth, and personally, I don't think he wants anyone to feel as alone as He did while walking the hill to Calvary with a cross upon His back. 

He loves us, He knows us, and He is more than willing to save us. 


  1. This is an incredible blog. It is so comforting to know I am not alone. As I have been reading some of your posts I have felt this more than I ever have. Your writing expresses so much of what I have been aching to read and feel. Thank you for your bravery to put this online, as I am sure there are plenty of others as well who can be blessed by your example and courage. I can see the strength you possess through this blog, and believe you will make it through, and wish you all the best. Thank you so much again!!!

  2. What a beautiful blog Alyson! You are a strength to so many including myself. thank you for sharing. - Marianne

  3. I am in tears. Yesterday, I walked in the cold by myself just wondering if anyone cared or if I could continue living like this. I know that many people love and care about me, but it seems someone just whispers in our ears that we are worth very little and don't deserve the care of others. It is a lie and I am reminded of the mercy of the Lord now.
    Thank you, Alyson, for your desire to share your experiences, especially the merciful comfort you felt from the Lord. Jesus Christ is our Savior and Friend. Thank you for reminding me of that.